Searching for Him

I stress everyday and there isn't really a way out of it.  It is just how it is out here.  You have people you need to teach and save.  If you say something wrong because you didn't have the Holy Ghost by you during the lesson then you beat yourself up about it.  I know it's not good but it's how it is.  It is a constant battle against Satan here.  Since we are protected with wonderful companions and our scriptures satan goes after our investigators and flips them completely.  It is hard to see it happen.  What has brought me the most, very most comfort of my mission so far is studing Joseph Smith.  He had the attributes of Christ everyday without thinking.  Although he was still a man on this earth and tempted by satan, he had the power and the intelligence to put him under neath his heal.  

To be honest I'm scared to come home.  I know it's a ways a way but you are so close to the spirit here....So close to God that you don't want to leave at all.  I feel like it's a little taste of Heaven everyday.  I can't live without it.  I've learned truly that the Holy Ghost is the only person who can teach the people in this world.  We have no power.  He works through us and the only way we can have Him by us is when we are worthy of Him.  That is the most stressful part of missionary work.  Making sure that the Holy Ghost has a clean place to reside in you so that you can teach these people how Jesus would teach them.  It's not easy when Satan is in your peripheral vision all day long....Destroying people.  

You can tell people that they are wrong because it says "this" in the Bible but that doesn't bring conversion.  The Holy Ghost converts people and brings us closer to God.  We are in progression right now to become Gods.  How do we know where to go if your light (Holy Ghost) goes out?  The path goes dark. 

I have a testimony that the Holy Ghost touches the hearts of men and he is confirming it to me right now as I write this.  I feel him everyday guide my decisions, motivating me and telling me to keep pushing. 

11 ¶For the Lord spake thus to me ^awith a strong hand, and instructed me that I should not walk in the way of this people, saying, 12 Say ye not, A ^aconfederacy, to all them to whom this people shall say, A confederacy; neither fear ye their fear, nor be afraid. 13 Sanctify the Lord of hosts himself; and ^alet him be your fear, and let him be your dread. 14 And he shall be for a ^asanctuary; but for a ^bstone of ^cstumbling and for a ^drock of ^eoffence to both the houses of Israel, for a gin and for a ^fsnare to the inhabitants of Jerusalem. 15 And many among them shall stumble, and fall, and be broken, and be snared, and be taken.16 ^aBind up the testimony, ^bseal the ^claw among my disciples.  17 And I will wait upon the Lord, that ^ahideth his ^bface from the house of Jacob, and I will look for him. 18 Behold, I and the children whom the Lord hath given me are for ^asigns and for wonders in Israel from the Lord of hosts, which dwelleth in mount Zion.

Like Isaiah says, don't get caught up in the people of the world.  Don't fear men but fear God.  People will fall around you but make your testimony one of stone.  Help your fellow people of God.  I'm waiting for Him and I will always be searching for Him.  

I love you,

Elder Hays